I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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