he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
