If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
