my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
