i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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