The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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