what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
high people should be assigned attendants
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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