How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
