Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
