And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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