do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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