So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
