I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
