i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize