My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
