I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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