That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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