So drunk its hurt
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
