your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
