i don't like sucking hair
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
