dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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