At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
