Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
