he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
