Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
