Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
