at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
