Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
