remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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