My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
