I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
