I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Randomize
