Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
