So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
