remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
