Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
