i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
