ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
