you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
