Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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