Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
