I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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