He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
