she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
