I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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