Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
