we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
