at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
