It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
