The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
