Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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