Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
