I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
