So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
