who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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