Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
