No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
