My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
