I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my being single is dangerous.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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