I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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