For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
