Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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