Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm both gender and math confused
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
