In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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