I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
