the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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