goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
