So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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