Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
