You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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