Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
