If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
