I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
