So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
