so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
